Sadness Written

So many memories running through my mind lately. It's not that I don't want to remember, just not right now while the pain is so fresh, hot and seared. I guess I am done trying to figure out what happened, I am just trying to get through each day with as much happiness and calmness as I can manage. I'm all about feeling proud of myself and accomplished, but all that I do still doesn't take away the pain, the emptiness. So many country song's rolling through my head all the time, and I enjoy them but some time's on days like today, they bring up so much happiness, and it just hurts. Im so angry at him for leaving, angry at me, I don't know. I miss the man I married. My best friend, I feel like half of me is gone and there is no hope of ever getting it back so I try to fill the hole with other people, and interest's but nothing fits as well as him. Nothing completes me as wholly as he did. I can list all the things I miss, but that will just make me sadder b/c I miss them. I just wanted to write that, I miss him, and I love him so very much. but I am tired of crying, tired of feeling worthless and alone and empty. Maybe one day I will be OK, but for now living for others is still living. Maybe one day I can live for me again. Who knows.