No power over me.

I can't take any confrontation. None, what so ever. Even when it's not involving me, nothing at all to do with me, it still affects me. Shoots my anxiety sky high, I want to run, I can't breath, I want to intervene but I can't do that either because it's not my choice, I have no control over it. At all. Funny saying that, writing it rather, let me breath a little easier. I always want to fix things, even when there's nothing to fix. I can't stand to have the tension,  the energy. And I shut down. He's sitting right next to me and I don't know what to do or say. So I shut down. I hate having clarity some times. Being able to recognize what I do, where it comes from, and why I do it. I just haven't quite figured out how to catch myself before I do it. Timing and practise i guess. Fear always rules anxiety.  I get so worked up about all the negative possibilities, when in reality nothing at all is ever set in stone. Not until after it's done i guess. Idk. I hope when I learn how to prevent my thinking on the same path, I will be able to breath easier and handle confrontation.  It's not my fight or fault. I have no control over it, and it has no power over me.