empty

The worst is being alone, its wanting someone to cuddle and hug and feel completely safe with who you don't have to worry about anything, you can just relax and breathe and take in their scent and the sense of being together. Being alone with myself is, not a pleasant experience, I don't know how to be self reliant. I dont know the value and measure of my own strength. I just don't know. Anything anymore. All I know is I miss him, I miss my friend. My laughing partner, my snuggle bear, my heater and bad dream soother, my gaming buddy, my chief explorer, my mate, my love, my dragon. I miss him and everything he brought into my life. my soul, my heart. I miss the safety the security the love and laughter. I just... Im alone, alone in my head, heart and soul. even goddess is having trouble reaching me it seems, Im in a house full of loving family and I still feel lost abandoned and cut off from all things good and happy. I keep wishing this is a bad dream, i keep wanting to have everything be magically fixed but i know it won't be, i will drift in this shell existing only to take up space in the hearts around me that love me most. I am empty.