Great Love

I love you, I have always loved you, I will always love you. Nothing you could ever do will ever diminish the love and respect I feel for you. It is because I AM a creature bourne out of Love. I do not seek out violence, negativity or strife. Some perceive this as a weakness, I have decided that it is not. What IS  weakness is not asserting myself, not making MY wishes known. It's doing for everyone else BEFORE i do for myself. Now the hard part is finding balance. Balance within, Balance without. Just b/c I am searching and seeking and acting/reacting different doesn't mean I am not me, doesn't mean that I am not made of Love. Doesn't mean I don't still have great Love to offer. It doesn't mean I have to act differently to everyone, doesn't mean I cannot still be me. This is the internal struggle I have right now. Trying to assert myself without feeling like a bitch, trying to make my wants and wishes and desires known without infringing on someone elses rights to have theirs made known. It is a difficult thing, to find the balance. It is even more difficult when the Love that you have poured out, is only trickling back in. When you feel alone and cut off and emotionally starved. When the greatest love of your life has fled from you, and cut everything off from you and what was once a shinning beacon of love and life and home and light is now dark and cold and empty. I am trying to fully realize that just because this has happened to me, just because there are things I want to change about myself, it doesn't mean I still cannot be me. Who I feel like I am, was or meant to be on the inside. That is who I am searching for, but it still doesn't make the sense of loss any easier. I do love him, so very much. I would take him back even if it meant loosing again people who truly care for me. But the longer and longer we are apart I am realizing, that is not something he is willing or wanting to do. Perhaps I have to just let it all go and love me, take all the love I am pouring out and just dump it into myself. Maybe then I can feel better about me.