Choices

I was walking Angel the Mexican kid pulled up and was you know that's against the rules. Talking about Angel pottying. Basically he launched onto antagonizing me about where she pottys. I tossed back they can keep the music down. I felt such intense rage.  How dare he tell me what to do how dare he bother me. I seem to slip into thinking Mexicans are less than people. Like I'm better than them. I know it's wrong to think that but I do. I just want people to stop telling me what's right and wrong what I can and can't do. Makes me defensive and I jump back. Maybe I'm angry because I'm not honest with myself  I don't pick up the poop. I'm lazy and I make the excuse that it's pointless to bag it and toss it. When I really legit feel that way but I try not to let her poop there. Anyway I did manage to he ahold of my rage just in time to not loose my cool. I'm annoyed by it and would still want to snap his little neck. On one hand I'm afraid the neighbors all think I'm a crazy nut on the other let them. I would rather they avoid me and leave me alone. They blast their music and fucking roaches!!! I'm tired and when I'm like a toddler. Shit seems spinning out of control on the outside but I can control me and myself and my thoughts and actions. I can choose. I can choose.