I don't know what to do....
I think I am addicted to weed, I am addicted to making people I love happy and feel good because if they are, then that means I am too. I keep skipping out on work, I know I should work and I need to work but I keep vto'ing anyway and then get stressed when my checks are short.
Like this time, I had cash but I don't know what happened to any of it. I keep putting off paying bills, and now I am short my rent and don't know what to do. How do I help myself, how do I ask for help without people wanting to take over my life. How do I be honest. Why can't I just be honest and stop lying or keeping things from people.
I don't know what I want, I don't know how to acheive it, I don't know how to change my thinking or will power and make myself work, stay at work, do my job, keep my numbers right. It's just too easy to go home or hang out in my car. Chad thinks I have been at work since 1030am and in reality I vto until 3pm checked my check and now im panicking. I am gonna have to call and see if I can do payment arrangements or something with the gas and the power. I don't know what to do about the rent at all. I keep telling myself I won't do this and I will do that and then I say fuck it and everything goes to shit.
I dont' know why it's so hard for me to say, hey i need help with this, and then to be honest and truthful even though it's terrifying. Why it's so scary I have no idea....Medication is only helpful to a point. Therapy is only helpful if I can afford to go and lately I can't afford to do anything because I spend 20 dollars here and there on weed and ugh.
I don't know what to do.... I don't know what kind of help I need. I just know I need some, I don't know who to ask or where to go or....what to do.
